You can be a reality show star ASAP!

Reality shows are the crack cocaine of television. They are bad addictions that are hard to break!

We all watch those reality shows that make us feel better about ourselves, since we’re not as messed up in the head as some of the people portrayed on “Hoarders” or “Jersey Shore.” 

We also fantasize about what it would be like to be on our own shows, where you get fame for having absolutely no talent. 

Well, if you missed the recent “True Life” auditions held at Cal State Long Beach, don’t worry. You can still make it onto the reality TV scene. It’s not to late! 

Here are some fast ways you can be on reality TV, too:

– Get knocked up with no financial resources to support yourself and have a baby daddy that isn’t around. “Teen Mom” or “16 and Pregnant” are right around the corner for you.

– GTL, baby! Move to New Jersey, sleep with half the people in the state, do nothing but drink all day and develop an idiotic nick name for yourself that your friends can call you by. Fake tans and lazer hair removal are a must. 

– Date a Kardashian, marry a Kardashian, then divorce 72-days later. Having no brain, but being able to throw a ball into a hoop makes you just right for the part! You’ll be keeping up with the Kardashians in no time!

– Lip sync to Cher songs, tape your balls flat and dress up in drag. “RuPaul’s Drag Race” is only an application away. 

– Have absolutely no singing voice, but have a nice rack and a sad life story. You’re perfect! You may just get our votes on “American Idol”. 

– Your husband makes a lot of money, and you have plastic parts? You need to be a “Real Housewife!” Do it! 

– Have a passion for whispering things into the ears of animals? Keep it clean, please! I mean that you should be on the “Dog Whisperer.” 

– Are you a Z list celebrity whose career
is over? Does no one care about you anymore? You will be handed a show by one of the best cable networks in the nation!

The point is, keep your chin(s) up if you missed the “True Life” auditions. You can always be on the “Biggest Loser.” It’s not too late to stop using your brain cells, and let a camera crew record you taking a dump. 

Go for your reality dreams, this is America! 

P.S. Sarcasm. Stay in school kids. That was just for fun.