There you are, it’s Sunday morning and you’re driving, hungry, a little hungover and looking for somewhere to eat. You pull up to the first restaurant you see and it’s packed: the Rams are playing. You go down the street and there’s a two hour wait. You try the tiny little brunch spot you frequent: rioted after the Browns victory Thursday night.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t escape the football fever. It’s all consuming from September through February in all its sweaty, loud, beer-induced glory. Luckily, it’s the perfect time to get into football thanks to the Los Angeles Rams.
The team has reignited football for SoCal fans (sorry not sorry, Chargers) and is most likely going to take the Superbowl this year. Do yourself a favor and hop on this train before it reaches a championship.
Unfortunately, being labeled a bandwagon fan is one of the worst sports crimes you can commit, right next to bringing a vegetable tray to the tailgate. Fret not football newbie, with some simple tips, you can convince your friends that you’re a part of the Ram-ily.
First you have to dress the part. Some people go with the classic jersey or team shirts, but to really prove your fandom, you have to show up fully equipped in a helmet and pads. Any true fan is ready to jump into the game in case someone gets injured. Take notes, Packers fans; Aaron Rodgers might need you soon. When someone makes fun of your helmet, start kicking your feet like a ram, even throw in some noises if you’re really feeling it. They’ll get what you’re doing once you start charging toward them.
Okay the game is about to start, the players are lined up and the national anthem is starting. If you want to be the most popular person at the party, go ahead and take a knee during this part. Ignore the food and glares being thrown at you by the red faced and red hatted people.
Alright the game is underway, it’s time to learn the art of cheering, it’s easier than it seems. Basically any time your team starts running, you cheer. In fact, it’s scientifically proven that the louder you cheer, the further down the field your team will get. You can also throw in some fun encouragements. Examples include: “Run, Forrest run!,” “Go, Gurley go!,” “Don’t come home unless you win this game son, I mean Goff.” Feel out different phrases until you find what suits you.
Okay someone just threw a colorful little cloth on the floor, no they’re not decorating the field, that means something went wrong — you’re witnessing your first flag. When something controversial happens during a game, the referee has to go in the middle of the field, wait for the crowd to quiet down and decide the call, kind of like he’s reciting a poem in front of his high school English class. Based on whether the call is in favor of your team or not, you’re supposed to either cheer with all your might or shout your worst insults at the TV. Don’t be afraid to get personal with your insults, I’m sure you can find some information on the referees online somewhere so do your research beforehand.
Unfortunately, everyone watching the game is drunk and loud, so you can’t hear a damn thing the ref is saying anyway. You’re just going to have to take a chance with this one, but you have 50/50 odds, so you have better chances than any other team has of beating the Rams.
Oh look, one of the players is running! They’re on our team remember your training, shout, yell, louder! Also, football players do this cute thing where they slap each other’s helmets when one of them does something good. You can join in on the fun too! When the Rams score make sure to give everyone a good old fashioned love tap right on the side of the noggin. The harder the better, just make sure to introduce yourself after and explain what you’re doing.
You got your pads, helmet and blue face paint, looks like you’re ready to go. And if this doesn’t help you cheer up, there’s only 23 more days until basketball season starts.