This is not about Fitzwilliam Darcy being proud or Elizabeth Bennet’s judgment against Darcy, but about how Venus Herrera, a fourth-year communications major, and Chang Lo, a fourth-year construction management major, endured hardships and stayed together despite his mother’s pride and prejudice.
Herrera hid in the corner as tears relentlessly rolled down her cheeks. Echoes of laughter and farewell from Lo’s family evoked the vivid memory Herrera had with Lo’s mother earlier.
After spending the whole day at the Lo’s house, Herrera was invited by his mother to take photos outside. Enthusiasm filled Herrera after the invitation as they had bonded over a variety of activities throughout the day, she thought.
Nonetheless, Herrera overlooked what was about to happen.
In November 2022, Lo’s family met her personally for the first time. Within a day of meeting Herrera, his mother uttered seven words as though she had been acquainted with her for several years.
“You need to lay off the burritos,” commented Lo’s mother to Herrera out of nowhere.
His mother’s exact motive for the micro-aggression was obscure. Both Herrera and Lo were clueless as to why it happened. The unsolicited prejudice led Herrera to believe it was due to her failure to meet his mother’s standards, and one of those was being Hmong, which couldn’t be more different from her identity.
Herrera practices spiritual individualism, Lo practices animism. She believes in prioritizing herself, but he believes in putting others first. She values self-love, while he has too much to give, leaving no love for himself.
“His religion is about the family and doing things for your ancestors,” said Herrera. “I don’t believe [in] putting yourself in situations even if they’re for your family or for hurting you because that’s hurting your personal growth.”
Some say opposites repel — a couple who have contradictory traits are bound to drive both away from each other. Herrera and Lo’s divergence is pertinent to the ideology and you must be wondering if that is the case for both.
Herrera’s daily life is fueled by the unearthing of her life’s purpose and that is achieved through self-awareness. She explained that her belief, spiritual individualism, is a form of spiritual thinking that revolves around her relationship with herself. Her actions are done to sustain self-growth.
On the other hand, Lo believes that everything in the world, animate and inanimate, is inhabited by a spirit as each has a role in the interconnected web of life. He said his religion also values their ancestors, who they communicate with and seek strength and guidance from.
Despite the contradistinction between the couple, their relationship is characterized by the idea of opposites attract. It’s their complementary traits that bind them together.
“The way that they love is completely different. I think that he is more of a provider, and she is more like a listener,” said Brianna Ortiz, a friend of Herrera since 2020. “She’s never had that sense of security that he provides for her, and he’s never had someone who really fights for him.”
It was not an easy road for the couple. Ortiz said there was constant “head-butting” throughout the relationship due to their clashing beliefs.
There is some resemblance between the characters Bennet and Darcy and the couple Herrera and Lo. Darcy is known to lack the ability to deal with other people and his own feelings like how Lo can’t say no to his loved ones, putting himself at the bottom.
Bennet, on the other hand, is a fearless and independent woman who knows her worth like Herrera.
Both meet in the middle to fill each other’s gaps.
Herrera, whose religion teaches her to put herself first, passes the principle onto him and helps him amplify his voice. Meanwhile, Lo, whose religion values love for family, showers her with affection.
“On their end, I’m drifting away,” said Lo in regard to standing up to his parents. “In my opinion, […] I’m not. I feel like I’m just growing as a person.”
When Lo heard about what happened during the family’s first meeting, he said he brought the matter up to his mother and showed disapproval of what was said to Herrera.
A week after the incident, Herrera received a silver necklace from Lo’s mother as a compromise. However, Lo said his mother refused to apologize and told him that jokes will still be made.
Herrera said she started seeing things and immediately thought that the necklace was the source of negative energy which she later found out was cast with black magic. Herrera’s mother cleansed it and stored it in a safe place.
Just like Bennet and Darcy, who ended up together despite their polarity, Herrera and Lo persisted amidst the adversities.
“[These struggles] prove how much we mean to each other to actually work this hard,” said Herrera. “Every day we just choose each other.”