Iran’s philosophy is nutty ‘Looney Tunes’ feature

Some might say that it’s too early to begin making demands on new President Barack Obama, but then again, some people are idiots. Mr. President, now that you are the leader of our great nation, it’s time that you know which country represents one of the major threats to the world and regulate accordingly.

It is my belief that the crazy, backwards leadership of the Islamic Republic of Iran is likely our greatest threat, and I implore you to please make an example out of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and his nutty cronies.

According to the International Institute for Strategic Studies, “During 2009, Iran will probably reach the point at which it has produced the amount of low-enriched uranium needed to make a nuclear bomb.” This does not mean that Iran will automatically have a nuclear weapon, but it is cause for concern.

The IISS also believes that the United States is wrong to assume that Iran slowed or even stopped its nuclear weapons work, which is one of the prevailing opinions in Washington.

It’s no secret that Ahmadinejad — everyone’s favorite Jew-hater — isn’t really interested in furthering peace between Iran and Israel, let alone Iran and the rest of the world. According to Ahmadinejad himself in perhaps one of his most unintentionally funny comments yet, Iran’s nuclear program is for “peaceful purposes.”

This coming from a guy who said in a 2005 speech entitled “World Without Zionism” that Israel needed to be “wiped from the pages of history,” conforming to a statement made by his higher-up, Ayatollah Khomeini. I hope you’re paying attention, President Obama!

On many human issues, the entire country of Iran is backwards and totally in discordance with the rest of the world.

Take gay and lesbian rights, for example. When questioned about the issue at Columbia University in September of 2007, Ahmadinejad claimed that “[Iran doesn’t] have homosexuals, like in your country.”

With estimates of 600 million gays living in the world today and with Iran having a population of more than 70 million, there are probably more than a few queens walking around the streets of Iran. I hate to be the one to burst your bubble, Mahmoud.

In yet more stops on the “Backwards Countries of the World Tour,” the government of Iran doesn’t endorse World Trade Organization copyright laws. This means that piracy is practically authorized by the government.

And who can forget the totally inoffensive and benign International Holocaust Cartoon Contest sponsored by the Iranian newspaper Hamshahri a few years back? I told you it’s a crazy country.

Ahmadinejad did congratulate Obama on winning the presidency. According to Wikipedia, this was the “first congratulatory message to a new elected president of the United States by an Iranian president since the 1979 Iranian Hostage Crisis.”

Hopefully, Obama doesn’t go soft on good old Mahmoud. The guy is a major threat to peace, and especially Israel. Ahmadinejad is already living in the Stone Age, Mr. President; would you kindly send him back to the Biblical Age?

Gerry Wachovsky is a computer science graduate student and a columnist for the Daily Forty-Niner.

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