During May of 2020, my brain began its decline into daily anxiety attacks and mental health battles, stripping me of the normalcy of the everyday life that I was accustomed to.
Thoughts such as having random brain aneurysms, thinking I can’t breath on my own, and worrying about getting saliva into my lungs and it slowly killing me would pop up in my head constantly, making me fear for my life all the time.
I felt completely broken. It also didn’t help that in spring of 2021, I eventually became obsessed with my school work and completely threw away all of the hobbies that I once loved due to extreme stress.
But one thing that always got me to remain calm was music.
After coming home from running errands with my mom, the Foo Fighters started playing on the radio. When listening, the guitar riffs and vocals from Dave Grohl, main guitarist and singer of the band, got me on a hunting spree to find the song I just listened to.
The song was entitled “Everlong” and it became one of my all time favorite songs. From the soft guitar riff entry to expressive vocals throughout, Grohl and the band made me want to move my head and dance out my frustrations.
At first, I paid no mind to the lyrics of the song, only the instrumental is what grabbed my attention, but looking into the lyrics created a whole new connection between myself and the song.
In a video released on the Foo Fighters official YouTube channel, Grohl explained how in 1996, while he was experimenting with chords on his guitar, he triggered the emotions he was feeling about a current breakup he was going through. When writing the lyrics, they formed from the true feelings he was facing.
“I think that that’s what songs should be,” Grohl said. “They should be something that not only the tone or the melody or dynamic of the instrumental, but also the lyric, match in a way that it represents how you feel at that moment.”
As I looked deeper into the lyrics for the song, I saw a connection between Grohl’s thoughts and my anxious emotions.
When first reading the lines “if everything could ever be this real forever, if anything could ever be this good again,” it made me think about where I was in my life.
For my life to go to from stable and predictable to anxiety-inducing and soul-crushing, it made me question if I would ever be able to not panic over so many different things.
Would I be able to do my hobbies without feeling extreme stress and guilt? Could I go through a day where I didn’t have to tell myself I wasn’t going to die? Will there be a time where I could be around others and not stuck in my room quarantining?
In all honesty, the answers to those questions were no. I felt powerless, like things would never get better. But I kept pushing forward, hoping for the best and not backing down.
The song became a daily listen. Grohl’s guitar shredding and multiple drumming riffs from late drummer Taylor Hawkins really got me through my days. The authenticity of the emotions from the band and their performance made me feel as if I wasn’t alone with my struggles.
As the months went by in the pandemic, things in my life began to turn for the better. Changes in my school schedule and the addition of a new job changed my mentality from doom and gloom to hopeful.
Today, I feel as though my life is back on track. While I still have my anxious moments, my mentality has thrown away most of my paranoia. I feel as though I can finally breathe and just be myself like I was before the pandemic.
In the end, everything can be as good as it was again.