Remember when spring break was about rest and vacation? I don’t either!
It seems that all I’ve heard people wanting to do this spring break is have some sexy time. Well, my friends, there’s a word we use to describe people like that in my neighborhood, and that word is “skank!”
Remember, you may be in a town that is not your own. However, little birdies who like to talk are everywhere. They also love to upload pictures of you doing interesting things to Facebook.
So, for the sake of your mother who didn’t raise you that way, here are some easy ways to avoid being a skank this spring break to keep your reputation intact.
Follow these tips and you will be just fine ladies and gentlemen:
Don’t groom your body hair
No one wants to enter the garden when the bushes are out of control. Also, you are less likely to invite anyone into your garden as a result of your overgrown greenery. You don’t want to look like a freak, and you will avoid any sexy time whatsoever!
Don’t consume alcohol
Consuming less alcohol will keep your vision focused and clear. Therefore, you won’t romantically connect with half the men or women made to look more appealing to you. Your standards will remain intact, as well as your reputation.
Don’t shower
No one wants to romance anyone who smells like they’ve come out of a digestive system. Being stinky will distract others from your good looks and keep you in the safe.
Wear a shirt that says “I’m a rapist”
This will for sure scare people off. Not only will you avoid being a skank, but most people will avoid you all together.
Use “you sure are ugly” as a pick up line
The majority of people you hit on will take this as an insult. As fun as it is to say at times, it will kill any chances you have of going to bed with someone.
Take your mother with you on your spring break
Mommy dearest will kill any chance you have with the cuties. She will also be there to make sure you don’t party too hard and are tucked in the sack by bedtime.
Eat a lot of beans
Farting, in many parts of the world, is considered a turn off. In the rest of the world it’s pretty funny, but they’re laughing at you, not with you.
Use a lock and chain as a belt instead of an actual belt
Leave the key somewhere you know you can’t easily access, giving yourself plenty of time to think about whether you should do the dirty or not. Sometimes, we just need a second to think things through.
Talk to imaginary people in the presence of your love interest
They may want to spend time with you, but no one wants to spend time with the voices in your head.
Ask your cutie if he or she wants a drink
After you get them the drink, give them the bill. If you get the drink thrown in your face, you surely wont have the opportunity to be a skank later that night.
School may be off for a week, but that doesn’t mean your clothes need to be off, too
Enjoy spring break, have a good time, but remember, skanks are eww. Keep it classy.