The spring semester is nearing an end just like all the semesters past. Graduation and a stumbling into what I adoringly call “real life” will precede this year’s summer break.
While I’m still in joyous disbelief that it’s actually happening, my nerves are only exacerbated by reality.
Why this economy? Why this year?
Despite having a serious case of senioritis, I’m attempting to catch amnesia so I can hurry up and forget about how I used to have hopes and dreams of finding a job directly out of college, but it’s not working.
To make matters worse, the national unemployment rate rose to 8.5 percent in March while California clocks in at 10.5 percent.
I try and psyche myself up for it. After all, who doesn’t like a challenge? I have also tried new words on for size like “hireability.” The phrases part-time and “for-credit internships” are all of a sudden becoming more attractive each day. I suppose I should stop whining.
It’s not all doom and gloom. There are a few recession-proof jobs: Most just happen to deal with numbers and usually have the word “analyst” somewhere in the title. I just can’t fool myself into thinking that a bachelor’s in journalism somehow makes me qualified for a position as a network systems and data communications analyst.
There are a few entrepreneurial jobs that have caught my eye. Some could actually generate some dough.
1. Sell the future: The only thing better than capitalizing on one person’s fear and insecurity is to capitalize on that fear and insecurity for $3.99 a minute. Becoming a psychic reader is almost too easy. And, unlike a Ponzi scheme, there is no need to set up offshore bank accounts or lie to investors about making a 50 percent return on investments.
People like to get some “thing” in return for their cash so offering someone a free psychic reading — for the first three minutes — is not a complete sham.
2. Shoot for the luminous balls of gas: If you still question whether people will buy anything, try flexing your entrepreneurial skills by starting a star registry. Now, as far as I can tell, the International Star Registry pretty much has this field tapped, but I see no reason why anyone with a computer couldn’t profit from such a scam — I mean job.
And at $54 a pop, it is hard to see why anyone would pass this up. Take a page from the ISR playbook and keep the details in the fine print.
“We do not own the star, so we cannot sell it to you. This is like adopting the star … It is something you can point at to know that there is something special out there for you,” reads the registry’s website. Seriously? Perhaps, this may be shooting too low.
3. Get the hell out of Dodge: If scraping by in the U.S. economy doesn’t feel right, there is always the option to move abroad. Think about it; you get to start over and you can call yourself an ex-pat.
Some jobs abroad include hotel worker, language tutor, black-market trader, sweatshop laborer, pirate, Amsterdam coffee shop staffer and gypsy. Although I have not entirely figured out how to make money on the last one, it would be pretty easy to not spend money.
Plus, menial work in a different country never actually feels like menial work, it just feels like an extension of a holiday. Additionally, I find that no one will ever judge you for prolonging entry, or entirely avoiding, the workforce straight out of college if you tell them you just want to travel.
Avoiding post-graduation responsibility to travel can be considered an educational endeavor, but lets not pretend that it’s a slight circumvention of our adult obligations — paying taxes.
My childhood dreams of living beach side and writing books making The New York Times bestseller list in my pajamas is a pipe dream in this economy, or at least not an entry-level position.
While I can’t say that these tips are a guaranteed way to make millions, I can conclude that attempting any of the three will inevitably lead to one final solution — grad school anyone?
Erin McKenzie is a senior journalism major and the city editor for the Daily Forty-Niner.
Although I suspect much of your column is done “tongue in cheek”, there should be much concern about the job market for new graduates this year. When I graduated the economy was going through what was called stagflation. That meant that while the job market was stagnant the economy was in an inflationary period. We haven’t hit the rampant inflation yet, but we should start to see it before the end of 2009. I couldn’t find anything right away and returned to graduate school. One of the requirements was to do an internship. Fortunately an internship with the U.S. Navy was available for CSULB students in my major. Two of us were selected and worked for three summer months before returning to school in the fall. The next fall I accepted a full time position as a civilian employee working for the U.S. Navy.
In the current job climate the only place hiring people with a variety of university degrees is the Federal government. There are so many opportunities under the Obama administration in almost all of the agencies that they would probably take me back to work out of retirement if I had the inclination to do so. If your job search hits a snag Check into applying for a federal job. You can do it online at the website for the Office of Personnel Management.