Anyone who knows me knows that I am not big on change.
I was born in Long Beach, raised in Signal Hill, went to Long Beach Unified School District schools and attended college in the city I have known and loved my entire life. I get anxious over having new roommates and before starting new classes; it makes for a long internal debate every time I have to choose a new shampoo.
Now, at the crux of such a drastic move in my life, I am met with a mixture of emotions. I am preparing to pick up and leave behind my friends and family, the city of Long Beach and even my beloved California for a job at a small-town paper in the Midwest — and my head is spinning. I am consistently going between feeling excited for the chance to spread my wings, and anxious over the major separation from everything and everyone I love; not to mention, I am freaking out quite a bit about the hour-and-a-half drive from my new home to the nearest Starbucks.
I am so glad to have grown up in Signal Hill and I will always have a soft spot for Cal State Long Beach. I have met some of the most interesting and amazing people that I could ever imagine coming across, and for that I am thankful. To Mags, Ash, Jen Jen, Sarai, Alissa, Shannon, Erin and Alma: you are the best friends and suitemates I could ever hope for. I am going to miss seeing you everyday and talking to you about the minutiae of our lives.
If there is one place that kept me steady during my time at The Beach, it was the Daily Forty-Niner. I have lived and breathed for this publication since the first week I stepped on campus my freshman year, and it has become such a huge part of my college identity.
In four years, I have seen my immune system go down the toilet, my relationships thrust aside and my stress levels go through the roof because of the demands placed on those with any kind of leadership role on staff. You don’t take a position here lightly if you want to be any good at it. It will consume your life.
As I sit here writing this and preparing to leave it all behind, I have to wonder if those sacrifices were worth it. Two years ago, I would have shouted, “Yes!” Now, I don’t know. There are so many things that I wanted to do and see that I didn’t get the chance to.
The paper became my life, and I don’t know if the padded resume and portfolio samples were worth the constant fighting and assaults on my self-confidence. Maybe I would have been better off stopping last spring and truly enjoying my senior year.
With that said, I do feel sad to leave behind the people on staff who have changed my life for the better.
Colleen: You have been my rock this year, as well as my lunch buddy, my sounding board, my quasi-therapist and my best friend on staff. I don’t know how I would have survived this year without you.
Bev: You are the most amazing boss. I know I wasn’t perfect at my job, but you worked with me and helped me to be the best I could. Thank you for that.
Morgan, Scott and Geoff: Man, you guys are entertaining. I will remember the day you came up with your stripper names for a while.
Chay: We have seen a lot of crazy stuff go down in the three years we worked together. I will miss you and your consistently amazing attitude.
Barb and Gary: Thank you for your guidance during my time here. I appreciate it so much.
Tracy and the Dans: It was a pleasure working with you this year. Your section was always on time and you have the most endearing personalities. I’ll miss you guys.
I am scared and nervous and excited about the future, but I can’t help but hope that this change that has me so jumbled up inside will make my life better. It will be a different lifestyle than the one I have known for 22 years, but this move might just be the best decision I have ever made.
Here’s to life after graduation.