A taboo demand has begun to be whispered through South Korea; women who are not married and pregnant want to keep their babies.
In the U.S., where mothers are given numerous rights concerning their children, people probably have a hard time understanding the threat imposed on South Korean women and the threat they pose for Korean culture.
While in America it’s the mother who typically receives custody rights after divorce, in Korea, it’s exactly the opposite because the role of carrying on the paternal line is held in high esteem.
An unmarried pregnant woman is seen as an immediate danger to the cultural norm because it takes the father legally out of the picture. Although abortion is illegal in South Korea, a staggering 96 percent of unwed mothers seek an abortion — whether by choice or through pressure from the father and his family, or on their own.
The only other real option available to women is adoption, and they usually send their babies overseas. While this may seem overly cold toward their children, it is usually for the sake of their kids that they choose overseas adoption. South Korean society usually ostracizes women who become pregnant out of wedlock.
Lee Mee-Kyong, an unmarried mother, was quoted in The New York Times, “I was turned down eight times in job applications. Each time a company learned that I was an unwed mom, it accused me of dishonesty.”
By sending their children out of the country, women prevent their own exclusion being passed down to their children, which follows them for their entire lives.
Recently, about 40 unmarried women with children banded together to form the Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network to help others who want to keep their babies.
The group’s existence forces South Korea to face a major contradiction; because women are putting aside marriage and children for careers, the national fertility rate is dropping. Essentially, if people don’t start spending more time in bed making babies, Korea’s population will decline dramatically in a hurry with each passing generation.
To counter their country’s declining numbers, the government is sending $85 checks monthly to families for each child they adopt, and $100 to couples for each child they have after their third. And yet the government gives a mere $42 to unwed mothers.
An added blow to unwed mothers is that they are commonly disowned by their families.
Choi Hyong-sook, one of the women in the group, related that after she decided to keep her son, her family changed their phone number so she would not be able to contact them.
When she tried to visit her ill father in the hospital, her sister prevented her from entering his room. When Hyong-sook gave him letters, he burned them out of shame. It wasn’t until last year that her father finally forgave her and allowed her to come back to live with the family.
Hyong-sook told The New York Times, “That day, I saw him in the bathroom, crying over one of my letters. I realized how hard it must have been for him as well.”
Jean Kim is a creative writing major and a contributing writer for the Daily 49er.