“I don’t deserve this success.” “I don’t deserve this praise.” “I am a fraud.”
I will be the first to admit that I experience these thoughts more often than not. I suffer from imposter syndrome, which has had a prevalent effect on my achievements.
According to a 2023 article published by the National Institutes of Health, individuals with imposter syndrome “cannot internalize their success and subsequently experience pervasive feelings of self-doubt, anxiety, depression and/or apprehension of being exposed as a fraud in their work, despite verifiable and objective evidence of their successfulness.”
These ongoing feelings and thoughts have felt like a never-ending cycle of doubt and discouragement toward goals and new projects I want to pursue.
It all started when I began making music four years ago. The first few years were filled with rough patches, but I continued to pursue my passion for music because it gave me that sense of purpose.
When I was on the brink of putting music aside, I started gaining attention and traction for my song “ethereal” after it blew up on TikTok in late December of 2022.
This was my first song to reach 1,000 streams and eventually 10,000 streams a few months later. I thought I would never reach those numbers and denied the song’s success for a long time.
Luckily for me, I had very supportive family members and friends, and a girlfriend who reminded me about the significance of this achievement.
I continued to make more songs thereafter and felt I was progressively getting better as an artist, but even after all the hard work I had put into my music, I still felt like my musical abilities were not up to par with the rest of my peers and that I simply did not belong.
I saw the number of streams rise for every new song release and felt the love from listeners, but none of that could fill the empty void I felt toward my own success.
I will never forget the day my imposter syndrome hit the hardest, which was when I performed for the first and only time last summer.
I performed in front of those same people who praised and congratulated me. There was even a crowd of people from the previous act before me who wanted to stay and watch the performance. For twenty minutes, I gave them a show with all of my favorite songs, and for twenty minutes, they cheered louder and louder with every song.
After the show, I was ambushed with praise, hugs, congratulations, high-fives and every form of approval that I could get. At the time, I was very appreciative of everyone’s support.
I did my best throughout my performance and post-performance to live in the moment with the people I love, but those same recurring feelings kept pestering me.
I tried to relish in my success later on that day, but instead of focusing on the success, I had a revelation that would change the outlook I had on my work.
Nothing you do is ever going to be perfect, so you might as well do the best you can and stand by your efforts.
When you dive into the arts, your biggest critic might be yourself. Do not let it be your downfall. It’s easy to believe that you do not belong or that you do not deserve recognition and praise. Remember that these are just thoughts in your head, not truths that should be bought into.
You are more than how you perceive yourself. Listen to the people around you and genuinely believe what they tell you.
My last piece of advice for anyone struggling with imposter syndrome is that words of affirmation are a lifesaver when you feel discouraged. You can never go wrong with the power of affirming words.