Me giving advice about going to college is like Ashlee Simpson giving singing advice. But during my four years at Cal State Long Beach I have learned, from experience, what not to do. Here is my list.
Do not schedule any classes before noon. I once refused to learn this lesson. Every time I sit down to schedule my classes on MyCSULB I tell myself, “Pat, you can take that 9:30 a.m. class. Everyone else in the world wakes up before lunch, so can you!”
Then, three weeks into the semester I throw in the towel and frantically try to weasel myself into a later section of the class. I know in high school everyone wakes up early, but trust me, college students stay up and sleep in late. I can’t remember the last time I had breakfast.
Second, when you’re walking to the library and are approached by people asking for money to help, say, starving children, do not listen to them. This seems easy enough, but it really isn’t.
I remember being a freshman and buckling under the pressure. They will say something like, “Hey, you got a great smile, can you help some starving children that need to eat?” Of course, the proper answer to this is, “Yeah, I can help starving children.” But it’s a trick. I know it’s difficult, but when someone asks you if you want to cure cancer, if you care about the environment or the worse one, “Are you a registered voter?,” always say “no.”
Third, do not live somewhere that has street sweeping. This is nearly impossible, because street sweeping is everywhere. But look for an apartment complex that has a parking lot, or better yet, a house with a garage, so you don’t have to park on the street.
To say I’ve given a lot of money to the city of Long Beach because of parking tickets from street sweeping is gross understatement.
To be slightly off subject, if any city council candidates are reading this, I promise to do whatever I can to get you elected if you outlaw street sweeping. It is evil.
Next, do not start smoking cigarettes. This is self-explanatory.
Lastly, do not miss class. I know you have heard this one a million times, and there are a few classes you can get away with skipping, but overall, not going to class is a quick ticket to spending next semester at Long Beach Community College.
All of these are simple things you should not do. You really have to be a complete idiot to do the things that I have done at CSULB. So please, I beg you, for the good of the school and for yourself – don’t be like me.
Patrick Creaven is a senior journalism major and the sports editor of the Daily Forty-Niner.