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Breakfast infiltrated by disingenuous drinkers

It has been the subject of many songs and other forms of pop culture. From Blur’s “Coffee and TV” and “Ojalá Que Llueva Café” by Café Tacuba to such movies as “Coffee and Cigarettes,” sharing a cup o’ joe with a friend or lingering over your coffee in the morning has been and continues to be a treasured American ritual that can be enjoyed at any time of the day. A breakfast or late night outing just seems incomplete without a piping hot cup of dark coffee to accompany a good meal.

When and where this habit became a deeply ritualistic morning tradition for millions isn’t exactly clear. Whether the fervor for coffee began after the dumping of hundreds of crates of tea into the Boston Harbor or later one can’t be sure, but what has become a sad reality, to the chagrin of coffee drinkers everywhere, is the infiltration of this treasured morning habit by faux coffee drinkers, affectionately referred to as “those” by coffee purists.

Where coffee used to be just a combination of scalding hot water and finely ground coffee beans from some warm, exotic place, coffee now must accommodate the likes of “Apricot Cream Coffee,” “Banana Nut Cream Coffee,” “Pecan Torte,” “Creme Brulee” and even “Apple Spice Delight.”

Yes, those are real coffee flavors loosely using the term “gourmet” to mask the ridiculousness of their titles. Words like “strudel” and “delight” or the names of fruits should never enter a coffee label. Rather than judge a coffee on things like its boldness, acidity or quality of the bean, coffee companies are now competing to create sweeter, zanier flavors of coffee. As comedian Denis Leary said, “You can get every flavored coffee except coffee-flavored coffee. They got mochaccino, cappuccino, frappuccino, Al Pacino…”

What these coffee drinkers crave is not the smoky smell and rich flavor of a good cup of coffee, but the quick perk without the flavor. But those seeking an early morning shot of energy are in luck!

In recent years, there has been a tremendous influx of caffeinated beverages for people looking for a sweet-flavored beverage with a jolt. Rather than continue to tarnish the good name of coffee, these drinkers can get their pick-me-up without paining their cohorts.

But, not all those who enjoy coffee start off liking the good stuff. I certainly didn’t. Maybe coffee drinking is an acquired skill, refined over time, and these so-called gourmet coffees are training wheels of sorts, drank until the user outgrows them and then abandoned for a better, nicer version of the same thing.

As children most of us considered macaroni and cheese a fancy dinner and read books with fewer words than this column, but as adults we have progressed beyond these things to appreciate finer forms of the same thing, enjoying foreign dishes, and reading Proust (even if its only because its required for a class). Until the day when these gourmet drinks bite the dust, these drinkers need to wake up and smell the coffee!

Lauren Williams is a junior political science and journalism major and the opinion editor for the Daily Forty-Niner.

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