In her closing statement of her master’s thesis presentation on Monday at Cal State Long Beach’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Resource Center, Robin Campbell asked her audience, “Am I going to be sent into the fiery pits of hell because I fell in love with a woman … forever ostracized from everyone?”
Campbell, a graduate student in the social work program at CSULB, sparked an intimate discussion between 16 CSULB students about sexuality and spirituality during her thesis presentation titled, “Exploring the Role of Spirituality in the Lives of Gay and Lesbian Individuals.”
The presentation was personal, honest and intimate. It inspired members in the audience to share their own experiences and comment on their relation to the stories of those she interviewed in her thesis.
Members in the audience read responses aloud from interviews conducted during her study. The anonymity of the individuals in Campbell’s study was overshadowed as members of the audience read them aloud and began to make personal connections to the words and life experiences.
During her research, Campbell said she interviewed a man in his 50s that had been through a lot of the “fight and struggle,” and is now living free from the weight of others’ judgments.
During an interview with him, Campbell asked if he experiences personal conflict because of others or outside influences. She said his response was, “so simple, but it made a lot of sense.”
He told her that he no longer has any internal issues from others’ opinions because he completely accepts himself.
Campbell said that this statement released a burden from her.
“I have spent the last 11 years totally judging myself and questioning everything I do,” she said. “It came to a point where I realized that I have to live with me for the rest of my life, and if I’m going to be comfortable in my own skin, if someone else having an issue with me … I don’t need to carry their judgment around.”
Campbell said that a general consensus in the responses she received during her study came down to wondering where to go after one reaches personal acceptance. Campbell said she believes that this step is essential before one can then incorporate spirituality into their life.
Her study was composed of 10 questions from a group of seven women and five men. “I wish I could have interviewed 100 people, but did do a lot of research — and cultural background proves to have a lot to do with the individual’s experience when coming out,” she said.
Campbell said this study was a huge awakening for her and led her to understand that everyone has a unique perspective. In a mentor or counseling setting she said she now understands that when she is speaking to another homosexual person it doesn’t mean she knows exactly where they are coming from — different cultures have different stressors, whether it is issues within the family or issues around religions beliefs.
“It really made me realize how unique everyone’s experience is,” Campbell said.
Growing up in a Christian family and attending church during his childhood, Jordan Ussery, a CSULB sophomore, said that when he discovered his sexuality, he distanced himself from the church because it wasn’t accepting of homosexuality.
He said he related to Campbell’s presentation in having to redefine his beliefs and spirituality.
“Everyday I’m redirect my spirituality,” he said. “I still don’t really know what my beliefs are. I just know I want to take the good out of everything and not so much focus on the negative.”
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