I’m sure that as you made your way down Cal State Long Beach’s vast campus during your SOAR orientation tour, you may have thought about all of the great memories that are soon to come during your first year at The Beach.
You might have thought about what kind of professors you’ll have, what sort of friends you’ll make, what kind of clubs you’ll join – and even who you’ll end up dating.
Will your new partner be fun and outgoing, or shy and reserved? Will they love to go out on adventures, or stay in and cuddle? I know I would consistently ask questions similar to these before I began my college endeavor.
However, what I should have asked myself was: Will my first college relationship end up distracting me so much from school that I’ll end up getting kicked out of CSULB?
Take a big hint — that’s what happened.
Year One
I came out as a gay man shortly before my freshman year of college.
Coming out was both a frightening and exciting time for me. Before accepting my sexuality, I was convoluted. I would constantly deny the fact that I was gay, but also yearned for a boyfriend.
Having a relationship was always a goal of mine. I longed to be a part of one — able to share serious conversations, amazing stories and great times with the love of my life.
I had downloaded a gay-dating app at the start of my first year at CSULB — at least, dating is what I wanted in hopes of finding an ideal partner.
But I mostly received messages like, “Sup” and “You a top?” By no means do I blame those users for sending me those kinds of messages – I, after all, was on a hook-up app searching for love.
Still, one day I got a message from a car salesman who worked at a dealership not too far from campus. Little did I know that my response – “Hey” to his “Hi”– would start a series of events leading to me being kicked out of CSULB.
We met up for a coffee date during the start of my Spring 2014 semester. We didn’t necessarily have anything in common, but I didn’t care. I was a hopeless romantic looking for a partner — it didn’t matter to me if we liked the same things or not.
After that first date, we hit it off.
The Academics
I was taking a few courses; however, the one I was concerned about passing was my pre-baccalaureate math class (yes, I’m bad at math) known as MAPB-7.
CSULB has a policy regarding this course: If you don’t pass it, you have to take an educational leave for one semester to pass the class at a community college. If you don’t pass it there, you don’t get to be a 49er again.
However, since I had passed MAPB-1 with flying colors, I wasn’t too concerned.
Well, not until I found out the guy I was seeing was a party animal.
Nightly clubbing and heavy drinking were his hobbies, and pretty soon they became mine.
I felt the need to sacrifice school for this person. After all, dating a guy was always a dream of mine and it was finally happening.
I was determined to not allow some math class of getting in my way of achieving a relationship – or so I immaturely thought at the time.
Quickly into the semester, I began falling behind in my classes. I remember one day, I got to my math class 10 minutes before it ended. As I made my way in, still hungover from the night before, the professor told me, “What a shame, Jorge. You missed the first midterm.”
I had partied through an entire semester, and although I had managed to achieve “C” grades in some of my classes, that wasn’t the case for MAPB-7.
I remember a few days before the final I walked up to my professor after class to ask about my current grade.
Her answer that there was no point in coming to take the final – because even if I earned a 100 percent score on it, I would still need 200 points to pass the class — was a slap in the face.
But I kept my cool, and thought: “OK, no biggie. I’ll just take this class at Long Beach City College or something. An educational leave isn’t that bad.”
However, it didn’t feel like a temporary leave.
I felt that I had been kicked out of the school I had worked so hard to get accepted into.
I was taking the equivalent to MAPB-7 at Rio Hondo College. It was an online course, but I didn’t realize that I had to show up in person to take the tests. Which I, of course, failed to do.
True Colors
I failed the math course at the community college, and my relationship was failing too.
Unfortunately after a few months, heavy drinking and constant arguments became the norm in the relationship.
One weekend night, what I thought would be one of our usual verbal arguments turned into a physical altercation — one that would leave my face severely swollen for two weeks and scare my mom half to death.
To make a long story short, after that night, I realized I had lost my relationship and my shot at getting a university education.
The “Sandwich Stylist” Era
Summer had come to an end and while CSULB students were returning to school for the fall semester, I was working at Jersey Mike’s Subs in North Long Beach.
It was a depressing time for me as I was not only heartbroken from a failed relationship but also lived under the shadow of my older sister, who had recently graduated from CSULB.
Before I knew it, the Fall 2014 semester was about to end for CSULB students.
I realized that If I didn’t pass a class before the spring semester began, I wasn’t going to be a 49er again.
“How the hell am I supposed to get a math class between the fall and spring semester?” I thought. There was one option to re-take that math class. One very expensive option. Winter at CSULB.
Bringing it back
After an intense four weeks of class where nearly any free time I had was spent studying and doing homework, I took the final.
It took a few days to receive my overall grade, which would be either “credit” or “no credit,” and I felt a deep sense of anxiety before receiving it. I would constantly place myself in scenarios where I didn’t pass and would end up becoming a manager at Jersey Mike’s.
But thankfully, I saw “credit” right beside my name, and knew then and there that I was back.
I returned to campus a few days later to show the necessary proof to come back in as a student.
Saying I was excited to be back at CSULB would be an understatement. It felt as though I had been accepted into the university for a second time.
I remember having the biggest smile on my face as I made my way in the first class of my sophomore year. I was beyond grateful to be back in class listening to long lectures and reading textbook after textbook.
There’s nothing like being a university student, truly nothing compares.
I had taken being a CSULB student for granted, but I wasn’t going to let anything, or anyone, get in the way of my academic success again.
It’s important to stay focused on earning not only your degree but also a quality education. No relationship is worth losing that.