When you are a kid, movies make it seem like a prince will come into your life and save you from all your troubles.
Like Cinderella, a prince will sweep you off your feet and take you away from that family who doesn’t treat you the best, or in “Sleeping Beauty” where he will come to rescue you from your tower and one kiss could be enough to change your whole life.
That prince will be strong and brave and you will live happily ever after because he is your one true love.
What those movies don’t show you though is what happens after that magical first kiss comes to an end. When the initial fantasy of it all is stripped away and that prince turns into just another person at the end of the day.
When I was 17, I thought that my prince had finally found me. Before him, I felt like a damsel in distress, plagued by a curse that had made me feel unlovable.
The honeymoon phase was strong. Every day, he told me how lucky he was to have stumbled upon me. That magic began to fade away as time went on.
I was living to see my prince become a villain. Abuse comes in so many ways and when you are young, it is hard to understand that.
My boyfriend at the time would tell me he liked me better when I was depressed because happy me was “too annoying.” He told me that he hated my smile and it made him not want to kiss me.
He hated my singing so I had to stay quiet in the car on road trips. My boyfriend made sure to engrain in me that everything I did was wrong and nobody could ever love me except for him.
During our three years together, we probably broke up two hundred times. It got to the point that I felt like nothing about me was lovable.
He would put me down to the point where I couldn’t go on, then baby me until I felt better, and the cycle would repeat itself.
Ever since him, I never truly knew what a healthy relationship was. When you spend so much time in chaos, you get comfortable in it. Peace begins to feel boring, so you look for a way to ruin it.
I eventually met someone unlike anyone else. They genuinely cared about me and I felt it.
At first, it was hard for me to believe that the love they had shown me was real.
My life is less like “Snow White” and more like “Shrek.” I was like Princess Fiona, desperate for love but scared to let anyone close to me. I was scared they would not be able to love the monster I imagined myself to be, so I pushed them away.
One thing my therapist taught me is you need to get better for yourself. You can’t heal for anyone else because if they go, all you are left with is yourself.
The hardest thing to do is break down the walls you built to protect yourself, and sometimes, you can’t tear them down in time.
Other times, someone good for you will have to walk away because they can’t keep fighting to make you believe them when they say they love you.
It might be scary and could trigger some toxic things within yourself when you finally meet someone good for you but recognize that they are good and hold them close before it is too late.
I learned to take what people say for what it is. If someone is telling you they love your smile, stop covering your mouth when you’re laughing.
As RuPaul always says, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love anybody else?”
It is so cliche but it is true. Before any relationship in your life can be healthy, you have to make sure the one with yourself is first.
Like Princess Fiona, accept yourself for who you are and allow yourself to not be afraid. When your prince eventually does come knocking, love yourself enough to allow them to love you the way that you deserve.
Loving yourself is the first step to a happily ever after.